Warning: No Review of Sunday's Game, Only Blackhawk Bashing

By Adam W Parks

Sunday, December 20, 2009 Red Wings 0 @ Blackhawks 3



I would like to go on record and say, and I quote, "Blackhawks fans suck! Blackhawks fans suck!"

As a hockey franchise, the Chicago Blackhawks only kinda suck. I actually have a little bit of respect for them. They are an Original Six team with a rich and illustrious hockey history that includes 13 very memorable division titles...and three whole Stanley Cup Championships...HAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I had to look that up. I'm super-serial, I thought they had more than that. I mean, even the New York Islanders (4) have more Cups than the Hawks. I shouldn't make fun, after all the Wings only have eleven, and that isn't even half as many as the Montreal Canadians. The Hawks made it to the playoffs last year for just the second time in eleven seasons after being absent for five straight. Detroit currently holds the longest streak for post-season appearances at 18 dating back to the 1990-91 season. But hey, no big deal Chicago, because your boys are back!

But in all seriousness, those 13 divisional titles are nothing to laugh at, and the Blackhawks seem poised to win their 14th this season. They have not won a division since 1993 when it was still called Norris, and the Toronto Maple Leafs, Tampa Bay Lightning, and the Minnesota North Stars were in competition for it. But kudos to the Hawks for finally assembling a good team and becoming relevant again; the league is much better when the original teams aren't awful.

Just for arguments sake, you know, about who does or does not suck, since that 1993 season Detroit has won 12 out of a possible 15 Norris/Central titles, and has currently taken home eight in a row. But apparently even celebrities can be just as oblivious as the other imbeciles in Chicago.



Thank you Jeremy Piven, now I'd like to lock you in a dumpster. Cheeeeese.

Seriously though, I'm sure those 1934, 1938, and 1961 teams were fantastic in their own right, and I'm positive the fans were very respectful of the game and our country. Too bad somewhere along the line of 47 years the hockey fans in Chicago forgot about the good ol' days.



What a wonderful tradition. The one moment in all of American sporting events when fans put aside all differences and unite under one banner by taking off their caps, placing their hands over their hearts, and gazing upon the stars and stripes. It is wrong when stupid Canadians boo our National Anthem, just as it is when Americans do the same during O Canada, but what the morons do in Chicago before hockey games is awful, disrespectful, and (dare I say?) un-American. According to this article on nhl.com, this is how the "tradition" started:

Chicago's anthem tradition began during the 1985 conference finals against Edmonton. After dropping the first two games of the series on the road, Hawks fans entered Chicago Stadium on May 9 fully energized and ready to help their team get back into the series. The crowd was so excited they cheered all the way through the National Anthem — and the tradition stuck.

Also within the article, a fan attempts to explain the significance, "In many stadiums and in many sports, the National Anthem has become just part of the routine — rote and perhaps almost ignored," Blackhawks fan Steve Sobel said. "To Chicago Blackhawks fans, it is an integral part of the experience."

Another fan said, "I think back to my dad taking me to Chicago Stadium when I was a kid. (The anthem) was so loud it hurt," Blackhawks fan Ryan Comerford recalled. "I don't think the anthem is something that always has to be heard and taken in some sort of solemn reverence. I cheer because I love my country."

Sorry, but the "Star-Spangled Banner" is a solemn reverence. It pisses me off when people talk through it, much less cheer through it. It was written to commemorate American freedom, our freedom, and that is why people listen to it and cheer after it. If you want to hoot and holler during a patriotic song then play Bruce Springsteen's "Born In The U.S.A." or Neil Diamond's "Coming To America", and save the "Banner" from this mockery. Where else can you go and find an audience yelling and screaming like idiots through an entire song? A Cheetah Girls concert? Most certainly at a really solid Jonas Brothers show. What if Bob Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone" was drowned out by his audience during every performance? They would certainly miss the figurative meaning and would probably envision something entirely different from the point.

Hawks fans will argue that they are cheering for the song, for the troops, for America, but that is all BS. Remember, it all began one night when a crowd full of crazed, rude fans wouldn't shut-up during the song. Fact. It is a poor message and a tradition of bad taste. What about the kids in the audience? Is this a good example to make? A positive precedent to send? What happens in the Chicago-area school systems if a child starts yelling and screaming in the middle of it during an event? Do teachers have to remind the children, "Now, Bobby Belfouroenick Esposito Jr, we are not at the United Center today, please shut your mouth, be respectful, and pretend that you are a Red Wings fan for a moment."

Now, Wings fans are known to occasionally run down an aisle and throw a few octopi on the ice in a playoff game during the closing lines of the anthem, and fans cheer the toss. But it is an act made within the context of the game that does not disrupt or disrespect the moment of the song. In fact the fans reserve themselves enough to allow Karen Newman (Wings Anthem singer) to finish before blowing the roof off with hockey-related cheering. In Chicago they could play "Ice Ice Baby" from a ghetto blaster on center ice and it wouldn't make a difference.

Speaking of fan traditions, and speaking of Vanilla Ice, check out this attempt at a new Chicago Blackhawks fight song composed before the playoffs last season:



Yeah, I italicized new because there is an old Chicago Blackhawks fight song:



That is more pathetic than the Detroit Lions Victory Song.

The bottom line is that the Chicago Blackhawks, with nearly 100 years of history, is an underachieving franchise with a fanbase that has been taken over by idiots. Yeah, the theme song is corny and stupid, and the anthem tradition is just plain wrong.

So the stupid fans stupidly chant "Red Wings Suck" at home games. The Wings did suck on Sunday night for sure, but the Hawks haven't won anything yet. Show me a single signature Chicago victory over the Wings since 1992. The season series is split 1-1 after Sunday's shutout; the race for the Central Division isn't over. I'd like to see where the Hawks would be without six or seven of their regular and better skaters, or when the Wings get theirs back.

So chant away, Blackhawks fan, it will only make it sweeter when you fail again.

Peace.